Posted: November 20th, 2014

Assertiveness Training as Part of Addictions Treatment;

Assertiveness Training as Part of Addictions Treatment;

Interpersonal Styles
Assertive behavior means communicating your needs, thoughts, and feelings in a clear, direct, appropriate manner without disrespecting the needs and feelings of

others, or denying them their rights. Assertiveness builds self-esteem and self-efficacy, gets goals met, and gains the respect of others (I win – you win).

Assertiveness skills are important in office situations with coworkers and supervisors, and are important for counselors who need to set limits with needy and

demanding clients.
Passive behavior (submissiveness) does not help in achieving goals, creates a negative self-image, lowers self-esteem and self-efficacy, and leads to helplessness and

hopeless thinking. It also lowers the respect of others towards you and will encourage them to take advantage of you. Passive people are chronically anxious, but also

eventually feel resentful and cheated, and like a “doormat” (I lose − you win).
Aggressive behaviorAchieves goals at the expense of others, and gains their resentment. Others will either give in resentfully, or return the hostility. It either

destroys relationships or creates a relationship with a superior and subordinate who is demeaned that is based on of fear (I win − you lose).
Indirect (passive-aggressive) behavior is manipulative and dishonest. It creates suspiciousness and resentment.
Assertive Thinking
•          Assertion, rather than hostility, submissiveness, or manipulativeness, leads to a happier life and better relationships with others.
•          Standing up for yourself and letting yourself be known to others gains their respect and gains you self-respect.
•          Demeaning others demeans yourself.
•          Personal relationships are more satisfying when you show your honest reactions to others and do not block their honest reactions to you.
•          Being assertive gives others the opportunity to change their behavior.
•          You are entitled to express yourself, your needs, feelings, and thoughts as long as you are not denying the needs and feelings of others or violating their

rights.
•          You have the right to set limits and to refuse to meet the expectations of others that are painful or difficult for you to meet.
Elements of Assertive Skills
•          Escalating assertion. Always start with the minimum amount of assertiveness, then increase forcefulness gradually as needed, including leading to

consequences. “I need that item changed. If you won’t do it, I’ll have to take it up with your supervisor” (then, “with my lawyer,” “with the police,” etc.).
•          Empathetic assertion: recognizing the needs and feelings of others. “I realize you need me to help move furniture, but I absolutely need to study for

tomorrows test.”
•          “I know you are busy, but I need to make a request of you.”
•          Discrepancy assertion. “Bob, you say you want our departments to work together cooperatively, but you issue memos that are critical. I’d like to talk about

that and work something out.”
•          Emotional assertion in behavioral context: “When you don’t help clean up, it bothers/irritates me, so I’d like you to make more of an effort to help clean

up.”

**Read the situations in the module lecture, and describe how you would respond to each using assertiveness skills.

Situations − model an aggressive, passive, and assertive response
•          Laura is approaching the sales counter and should be first to be served. Another woman edges in front of her. When the salesperson asks who is next, the

interloper says “I am.”
•          Ms. Jones is a retired widow living in a senior colony in Florida. While she is not a “loner,” she is independent, creative, and enjoys her privacy and

solitary pursuits, such as painting, ceramics, and gardening. She makes some spending money from selling her artwork at the local flea market. Another resident of the

colony, Ms. Phillips, drops in from time to time for tea and small talk about twice a week. Lately, however, Ms. Phillips has been arriving almost daily, for 2-hour

visits. This is more than Ms. Jones really can stand, and she is not producing enough for the flea market sales.
•          You are in a physics lecture with 250 other students. The instructor speaks so softly that the people in the last two rows can’t hear.
•          John borrowed $250 dollars from Ken a year ago. At the time, John was out of work and taking care of an ill parent. Now, John is back at work at a good job,

but has made no effort to repay Ken or explain his behavior. Ken is getting more resentful every week.

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