Posted: September 22nd, 2015

Editing Sentences

Editing Sentences

Revise these sentences & bring a typed copy of your revisions to class. This is about editing for grammar. Do not change the meaning of these sentences.

In these sentences, unnecessary nominalization obscures the real verb. Always fix passive voice constructions. See p. 236 & revise these to focus on the real verb:
1. Evaluation of the gumming tendency of the four tire types will be accomplished by comparing the amount of rubber that can be scraped from the tires.

2. Reduction of the size of the tear-gas generator has already been completed.

3. Pollution constitutes a threat to the Wilson Wildlife Preserve.

Refer to pp. 236-37 & revise the following sentences to fix problems in parallelism:

4. The next two sections of the manual discuss how to analyze the data, the conclusions that can be drawn from your analysis, and how to decide what further steps are needed before establishing a journal list.

5. Mary likes skateboarding, rollerskating, and to ride a bicycle.

6. Sections 1 & 2 will introduce the entire system, while Sections 3 & 4 describe the automatic application and step-by-step instructions.

Refer to pp. 241-43 & rewrite these to change passive constructions:

7. Most of the information you need will be found as you document the history of the journals.

8. Large chunks of asbestos-laden material will be removed from the hallways on the second and third floors by asbestos abatement teams.

9. During this time I also co-wrote a manual on the Roadway Management System. Frequent trips were also made to the field.

10. Mistakes were made.

11. Come to the reception desk when you arrive. A packet with your name on it can be picked up there.

Refer to p. 245 & rewrite these to eliminate the long noun strings (fix the passives too):

12. The corporate-relations committee meeting has been scheduled for next Thursday.

13. The research team discovered a glycerin-initiated, alkylene-oxide-based, long-chain polyether.

14. We are considering purchasing a digital-imaging capable, diffusion-pump equipped, tungsten-gun SEM.

Refer to pp. 247-48 to revise for unnecessary prepositions:

15. The complexity of the module will hamper the ability of the operator in the diagnosis of problems in equipment configuration.

16. The purpose of this test of your aptitudes is to help you with the question of the decision of which major to enroll in.

17. Another advantage of the approach used by the Alpha team is that interfaces of different kinds can be combined.

Refer to p. 249 to revise fancy words:

18. This state-of-the-art soda-dispensing module is to be utilized by the personnel associated with the Marketing Dept.

19. It is indeed a not insupportable inference that we have been unsuccessful in our attempt to forward the proposal to the proper agency in advance of the mandated date by which such proposals must be in receipt.

20. Deposit your newspapers and other debris in the trash receptacles located on the station platform.

REMEMBER TO BRING A TYPED PAPER COPY OF THIS ASSIGNMENT TO CLASS! (IT WILL BE HELPFUL IF YOUR PAPER CONTAINS BOTH THE ORIGINAL AND REVISED VERSIONS OF THESE SENTENCES. KEEP THE NUMBERING OF THE SENTENCES THE SAME.)