I have attached the proposal ,these are my classmates comments :
second comment:Ali, I could tell that you are very knowledgeable on this subject with the statements in your paper. Your tables were very easy to read and interpret, and was a great way to display some of your information. The conclusion ties up your proposal nicely. I would recommend that you watch your wording in some of your sentences.You use a lot of the same words over and over in your paper. Try to come up with some other ways to communicate what you are trying to say. Your bullet list is very long and should be shortened because it is overwhelming. It is supposed to be in memo format, so make sure you have the date, to, from, and the subject at the top left of your paper. There should also be headings for each section of your proposal. You have some really good points! You just need to make sure it is in the right format and is not repetitive!
third comment: You have some very good ideas in your essay but it is kinda hard to read, I would suggest in my opinion reading it out loud to yourself so you can hear where the catches are. I also don’t know if this is correct but in the directions it does say to follow memo format maybe look into that and see if you can make your writing more accommodating to that specific format other then that it sounds great. good luck throughout the semester and I hope that this helped.
forth comment:Use headings and memo (or letter) format. Single space. See sample in book.
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